A Lesson In Perspective

I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. I sometimes feel that in trying to be a great mom, a great wife, a great employee, a great daughter, sister, friend, etc I end up spreading myself too thin and feel as if I am half-assing (sorry!) everyone unintentionally. This is how I have been feeling recently. Without a doubt I love my life and especially my daughter more than anything in this world but sometimes it is hard to not just get wrapped up in the busyness of life. Thanks to holidays and birthdays I feel as if we have been go, go, going for the last 2.5 months now, add to that multiple bouts of sickness (mine, Matt, & Rach), not enough sleep, a bit of family drama, and the busy season at work and you could say that I was pretty much just in survival mode. Yes, things did start to slow down, and yes, I did enjoy Rach's First Birthday, but I would be lying if I said I felt like I was back to giving 100% to my family.

Then something happened. Last Wednesday it seemed as though everything I read or heard about, whether online, in a blog, in the news, on the radio, etc was bad news, a heart wrenching story dealing with a child, parent, or family. The news and stories like this are not the same to me now that I have Rachel. Yes, they would have been sad before and I would have felt bad for the family, but now, I am hearing the stories as a MOTHER. I am feeling the stories as a mother. I not only feel the utmost sympathy for these people but I also feel the pain imagining that it were my family. I know that we will never understand why bad things happen to good people and that God has reasons that we may never be aware of and that as a parent you will always worry about your child but sometimes it is hard not to get consumed with worrying.

Some of you that talked to me in the last few days know that the story that shook me the most was of a couple that have a little girl and a little boy. Their little boy passed away unexpectedly and tragically at 2 months old last week. As I read about their story and looked at their pictures it was all I could do to keep the tears inside. My heart goes out to this family for their horribly sad loss. No family, no parent deserves this or should have to deal with this.

This story pretty much stopped me in my tracks last week. While we may never be able to understand why such a tragic thing would happen I do feel like personally my happening upon it was God's wake up call to me. In the past I have prayed for more patience. Through experience I have learned that sometimes prayers are answered with a yes, a no, or a not now, but this one was different. I feel that I asked for patience but was given perspective. I have a good life. I have a beautiful daughter, an amazing husband, a loving family, a good job and I feel a renewed sense of gratefulness for all of these blessings. This weekend I took the time to truly be in the moment with Rachel and to just enjoy every minute of our time together. When Rachel decided to pull every pair of pajamas out of her dresser drawer I did not say "no" and worry about having to refold them, I laughed with her as she proceeded to show me each pair before tossing them for the next. When Rachel decided to splash around in Charlie's water bowl I did not get upset and worry about the mess, I just picked her up, wiped her hands, and got her a dry pair of pants. I held her a little closer when we cuddled and kissed her extra before bed.

I was given perspective. In the general scheme of things it will not be the small messes or inconveniences that we will remember. In recent weeks Mondays have been hard for me. I've been crabby in the mornings (I'm sure Matt will agree, sorry baby!) because I've dreaded going back to work after having two days (or more lately) home with Rach. It would have been all too easy to have this morning follow suit, not only was I having to leave my sweet girl but there are many businesses closed today for the holiday and my work is not one of them. It would have been so easy to dwell on this and get crabby again, but I didn't. I wholeheartedly enjoyed Rach's early morning smiles and laughs. I hugged her extra tight and gave her extra good bye kisses and on my way to work, I was happy. I was happy because I was so thankful for the great weekend we shared and happy thinking about seeing her smiling face when I get home tonight. (Side note, please pray for the family I mentioned, today is the funeral for their precious baby).

I was given perspective. I have a happy, healthy little girl that fills my heart with more joy and love than I ever thought possible. To my sweet Rachel Bear, I promise to focus on being in the moment with you and to enjoy all the time we do get to spend together instead of focusing on and worrying about the times that we are apart. I love you more than words can say!