Weekend Fun

I know it's already Thursday and I am just now getting to posting about last weekend but unfortunately this week has been busy at work and at home and Rach and I are still battling our colds/sinus issues.

Last weekend was a great weekend. Friday night Grandma and Grandpa came over to stay with Rachel so that Matt and I could go out. Now, other than work and to get my hair cut I hardly ever spend time away from Rach, and I can count on one hand the number of times that Matt and I have both left Rach and done something together (and I wouldn't even need all 5 fingers!). Back in October Matt and I went out to dinner for our 5 year Wedding Anniversary and then the following weekend we went away for two nights f0r a football game and Matt's birthday.

It's funny because even though October was only 3 months ago I felt like it was easier for me to have a good time last weekend (not easier to leave Rach, that was still hard). So Friday, Matt and I went to Charlie's surprise birthday party. We went, made an appearance, said hello to everyone, made sure to talk to Charlie but probably were there for less than 2 hours when we decided to sneak out and go to dinner instead just the two of us. Since we were already out in Rochester we decided to go to Bravo, one of my all time favorite restaurants! We used to go every year for my birthday and even for New Years Eve but we hadn't been in a few years and it was so nice to go again. The food was great and we were able to have good conversation/discussions just the two of us. It was a great night!

Saturday morning Rach woke up a good 45 minutes earlier than usual and when I went into her room I was met with the biggest smile I have ever seen! (I LOVE this little girl!!!) As soon as I picked her up she nestled her head on my shoulder and seemed pretty tired still so I brought her into bed with us and the three of us enjoyed some early morning cuddles. I told Matt that she woke up early because she just missed us since we were gone Friday night!

Saturday afternoon Rach and I went shopping. We went to Lakeside first. I still had a few Christmas gifts that needed to be returned so we took care of that and then just walked and browsed. I am convinced that Rach is a natural born shopper! She is just so good and so happy. She sits in her stroller so content and kicks her little feet and looks at everything and "talks" to me the whole time, so much fun! I did take her into the Disney store since she loves Mickey and she had a great time looking at all the fun stuff there. We did find a Minnie straw cup that I bought for her and she has already used it multiple times this week and smiles each time she sees it!

After Lakeside we went to Partridge Creek. Now I will admit this was not the ideal weather weekend to take Rach to Partridge Creek for the first time (it was bitter cold) but I did have her super bundled up, layers, coat, hat, mittens, blanket, ... and we weren't outside for too long. Rach was such a trooper and still happy while we looked at Nordstrom and Janie & Jack. We were looking for something for her to wear for her 1 year photos. I didn't find anything at Nordstrom but I did buy two sweaters at Janie & Jack, not sure if either is the one but we'll see.

Sunday was a nice lazy, cozy day. All three of us hung out at home until Matt had to go to work, then Rach and I hung out, I did some laundry and cleaning while she napped, and then we played some more. Just a really great weekend. This coming weekend we are taking Rach to get her 1 year photos taken as long as she remains relatively healthy (she still has a little bit of a runny nose and a lingering cough) but I am hopeful we can get them done and then hanging out with Grandma and Grandpa a bit.

Below is a picture of my loves last Thursday night. They were cuddling and fell asleep on the couch while I was cleaning up after dinner. I had to wake Rach up for her bath. That's Rach's puppy with her, her very best friend. These are my two favorite people in the world. I love them so very much!

A Lesson In Perspective

I will be the first to admit that I am not perfect. I sometimes feel that in trying to be a great mom, a great wife, a great employee, a great daughter, sister, friend, etc I end up spreading myself too thin and feel as if I am half-assing (sorry!) everyone unintentionally. This is how I have been feeling recently. Without a doubt I love my life and especially my daughter more than anything in this world but sometimes it is hard to not just get wrapped up in the busyness of life. Thanks to holidays and birthdays I feel as if we have been go, go, going for the last 2.5 months now, add to that multiple bouts of sickness (mine, Matt, & Rach), not enough sleep, a bit of family drama, and the busy season at work and you could say that I was pretty much just in survival mode. Yes, things did start to slow down, and yes, I did enjoy Rach's First Birthday, but I would be lying if I said I felt like I was back to giving 100% to my family.

Then something happened. Last Wednesday it seemed as though everything I read or heard about, whether online, in a blog, in the news, on the radio, etc was bad news, a heart wrenching story dealing with a child, parent, or family. The news and stories like this are not the same to me now that I have Rachel. Yes, they would have been sad before and I would have felt bad for the family, but now, I am hearing the stories as a MOTHER. I am feeling the stories as a mother. I not only feel the utmost sympathy for these people but I also feel the pain imagining that it were my family. I know that we will never understand why bad things happen to good people and that God has reasons that we may never be aware of and that as a parent you will always worry about your child but sometimes it is hard not to get consumed with worrying.

Some of you that talked to me in the last few days know that the story that shook me the most was of a couple that have a little girl and a little boy. Their little boy passed away unexpectedly and tragically at 2 months old last week. As I read about their story and looked at their pictures it was all I could do to keep the tears inside. My heart goes out to this family for their horribly sad loss. No family, no parent deserves this or should have to deal with this.

This story pretty much stopped me in my tracks last week. While we may never be able to understand why such a tragic thing would happen I do feel like personally my happening upon it was God's wake up call to me. In the past I have prayed for more patience. Through experience I have learned that sometimes prayers are answered with a yes, a no, or a not now, but this one was different. I feel that I asked for patience but was given perspective. I have a good life. I have a beautiful daughter, an amazing husband, a loving family, a good job and I feel a renewed sense of gratefulness for all of these blessings. This weekend I took the time to truly be in the moment with Rachel and to just enjoy every minute of our time together. When Rachel decided to pull every pair of pajamas out of her dresser drawer I did not say "no" and worry about having to refold them, I laughed with her as she proceeded to show me each pair before tossing them for the next. When Rachel decided to splash around in Charlie's water bowl I did not get upset and worry about the mess, I just picked her up, wiped her hands, and got her a dry pair of pants. I held her a little closer when we cuddled and kissed her extra before bed.

I was given perspective. In the general scheme of things it will not be the small messes or inconveniences that we will remember. In recent weeks Mondays have been hard for me. I've been crabby in the mornings (I'm sure Matt will agree, sorry baby!) because I've dreaded going back to work after having two days (or more lately) home with Rach. It would have been all too easy to have this morning follow suit, not only was I having to leave my sweet girl but there are many businesses closed today for the holiday and my work is not one of them. It would have been so easy to dwell on this and get crabby again, but I didn't. I wholeheartedly enjoyed Rach's early morning smiles and laughs. I hugged her extra tight and gave her extra good bye kisses and on my way to work, I was happy. I was happy because I was so thankful for the great weekend we shared and happy thinking about seeing her smiling face when I get home tonight. (Side note, please pray for the family I mentioned, today is the funeral for their precious baby).

I was given perspective. I have a happy, healthy little girl that fills my heart with more joy and love than I ever thought possible. To my sweet Rachel Bear, I promise to focus on being in the moment with you and to enjoy all the time we do get to spend together instead of focusing on and worrying about the times that we are apart. I love you more than words can say!

12 Month Check Up

• Rachel had her 12 month doctor check up on Thursday January 6th. Matt and I both went and are happy to report that we have a perfectly healthy and happy little girl! Rach is now 22 pounds (70th percentile) and 32 inches (99th percentile). She's got her Daddy's body type, tall and skinny! The doctor was pleased with how well she was doing, growing, and meeting milestones and basically told us to keep up the good work. The only bummer was that Rach had to get two shots. She did cry but calmed down pretty quickly once we were able to pick her up and hug her. We take her for her next check up at 15 months in April.

• On a bittersweet note, our breastfeeding journey has come to an end. With Rach turning 1 we officially phased that out last week/weekend. Rach's bottles are now all formula and she is eating three meals of table food a day and doing great! I'm still a bit torn and conflicted with how I feel about this. On the one hand I feel like I could have/should have kept going longer if for nothing more than the immunity boost for Rach during the winter cold and flu season. But on the other hand I feel happy to not have to worry so much about everything I eat/drink, not being able to take medicine if I'm sick, and having to take the time multiple times a day at work to pump. Nope, not going to miss pumping one bit! I'm trying to remind myself that I should just be happy to have made it a whole year and to enjoy that accomplishment! And I do, especially after we got off to such a rough start. I really do have to thank Matt again for being so supportive and not letting me give up on any of the rough first days we had. Thanks Matty, love you!

So how much do you love the photo above?!? She is such a ham! This was taken Tuesday morning before Matt took her to daycare and she it totally posing for Daddy! I can't get over how big/grown up she looks. Where did my baby go?? I feel like she had her birthday and then poof, bye-bye baby, hello little girl!

Rachel's First Birthday Party

We celebrated Rachel's First Birthday Party on Saturday January 8, 2011. Many of our family members came and celebrated with us and we greatly appreciate everyone being there! Between Matt and I we took a bunch of pictures and I promise to post some once we upload all of them, I just wanted to make sure I at least posted on the party while everything was still fresh in my head.

We had the party at Rachel's Grandma and Grandpa's house. I cannot say thank you enough to my parents for letting us have the party there and for all of the help they gave us with the preparations. We appreciate it so much! I am so happy that after months of planning everything came out nicely and pretty much how I pictured it in my head.

The day before the party, Friday, Rachel and I spent most of the day at my parents' working on decorating and setting up. My poor dad, the house was (tastefully) covered in varying shades of pink and purple and cupcakes around each corner! We also picked up the cake and it was perfect! We used Sweetheart Bakery which is the same bakery that did our wedding cake, bridal shower cake, baby shower cake, and my birthday cakes since I was little! It was beautiful, 2 tiers, pink and purple roses everywhere, and said "Happy 1st Birthday Rachel".

The actual party went great too. Rach took a good nap beforehand and was pretty happy and sociable most of the time, short of one fussy spot but after a quick diaper change she was back to her happy self again. For a one year old, Rach was pretty interested in the opening of the presents and she made out pretty well. She received a bunch of new toys and clothes from everyone, a brand new wagon from Aunt Katie and Uncle Jay, books, and a check from Grandma and Grandpa that has already been deposited into her College 529 Savings Account. Thank you again to everyone for being so generous! She also really liked getting to play with her cousin Chloe! I love that they get along so well.

When it was time for cake everyone gathered around Rach and we put the #1 candle on her personal cake and sang. Matt and I blew out the candle for her and then waited. Ever the delicate little lady she is, Rach just sat and eyed the cake at first. I had to put a little frosting on my finger and give it to her. After that she realized this was just a bigger version of the cupcake she had so enjoyed earlier in the week she began eating it on her own. She was so cute about it. She was very precise and not overly messy. I'm pretty sure she would have sat there and slowly but surely ate the frosting off all day. I did cut a piece of the side off so that she could get to the actual cake and not just eat frosting. She did great! I was fully prepared to have to give her a bath and change her clothes but all she needed was a good wiping down of her hands and face and she was good to go when she was done.

All in all I was very pleased with how everything turned out. It did go by too quickly and I was sad to say goodbye to everyone. I felt like I was so busy running around making sure everything was perfect that I didn't get to just chat with everyone as much as I wanted to but I guess that happens anytime you are the hostess. I hope that everyone else had a good time too and that one day Rachel will look back at photos from the party and see just how much Mommy and Daddy love her and how special we wanted her First Birthday Party to be.

First Birthday and First Cupcake

I'm pretty sure Rachel enjoyed her first birthday. Both Matt and I woke her up in the morning and sang Happy Birthday to her. She was still pretty tired and I'm pretty sure her birthday wish was for another half hour of sleep but she woke up and perked up quickly. Matt and I made sure she had plenty of birthday hugs and kisses!

Rach spent a few hours in the morning with Matt and then he had to drop her off at daycare. From the moment they arrived everyone began wishing Rach a Happy Birthday! I picked her up in the afternoon and was told that she had a great day! Everyone loved her cute birthday shirt. We got home and spent the rest of the night hanging out with Charlie. The only bummer was that Matt had to work, but he's now off for the next two days! Rach will get to spend this morning with Matt, then I am taking a half day, unfortunately this afternoon will not be all fun since we have to take Rach for her 12 month doctor check upand there will be shots coming, boo :( but we'll get to be together the rest of the day/night afterwards. I also took tomorrow off so that I can spend some extra time with Rach and get stuff done for her birthday extravaganza on Saturday!

In honor of Rach's birthday I stopped on my lunch hour and got her her first cupcake. Rach's only experience with any sweets up to this point has been a few bites of a Christmas cookie and of a cinnamon roll, that's it, not even any juice. She was a bit cautious at first, which she is anytime we give her a new food, but she quickly decided that she liked this cupcake thing and that this whole birthday business was a ton of fun! Can't wait to see what she does with her cake Saturday and what she thinks about ice cream!

(Please excuse the goofy hair in the pics, the girls at daycare just love to fix Rach's hair, hmm)

1 Year Ago Today

So one year ago today Matt and I thought that the most exciting thing that was going to happen was that our new carpet was going to be installed in our house. Little did we know that by the end of the day we would be holding our beautiful daughter.

(apologies if this is a bit long, it's more so my mom brain won't ever forget a moment of it)

The night of January 4th I got the worst night's sleep of my entire pregnancy. For the most part I had a pretty easy pregnancy and really enjoyed being pregnant, that night, yikes, I was exhausted but couldn't get comfortable no matter what I tried. I hardly got any sleep and ended up watching really poor infomercials on late night tv just to try and distract myself from the uncomfortable-ness. I'm pretty sure I finally fell asleep about 45 minutes before my alarm went off. Being that it was a Tuesday I got up, got ready, and went to work. I had my weekly OBGYN appointment scheduled for 3:15 PM that afternoon so I worked until 2:30 PM so I could get there on time. Much of the discomfort from the prior night was still present at work that day. Obviously hindsight is 20/20 and I had probably just spent the last however many hours in early labor, but who knew?! I'd never done this before and Rachel's due date was still 3 weeks away on January 26th.

At my appointment that afternoon I casually mentioned the crappy night's sleep and how I was having some (what I thought were) Braxton Hicks. My doctor's partner was the one in the office that afternoon and she decided that she would do my first internal exam since I was there and had some discomfort. Within about 5 minutes everything began to change in life as I knew it. The doctor told me in half amazement and half excitement that I was already 4 cm's dilated and that I needed to go home, get my bag and my husband, and get to the hospital because the baby was coming!

I called Matt right away and as luck would have it he was not at home (even though he had been there all day prior to that). This was the fun part where I told him that he needed to get home ASAP because we were headed to the hospital because Rachel was on her way! I'm pretty sure he asked me if I was serious, ha!

I got home before Matt did and began to put a few last minute things in my hospital bag. Thank God for being such a planner! Even with Rach coming 3 weeks early my bag was already about 95% packed and ready to go! Matt got home shortly after that and began to get ready. His bag was not packed so he started throwing stuff in. At this point his worry now was that he had not taken a shower yet and had been working around the house and moving furniture all day. He hopped in to take a quick shower while I tried to just sit and relax as much as I could. Now clean, Matt then proceeded to stand in front of his closet and wonder, "what do I want to wear when I meet my baby for the first time?". Sure, this is adorable and funny now, however a year ago, while I was "relaxing", not so much! Thank goodness Matt finally decided on a new ND t-shirt he had gotten for Christmas. We did one last check to make sure we had everything and we were off!

Luckily there wasn't much in the way of snow or ice and we were traveling right at the very beginning of rush hour. We spent the car ride being nervous and excited and calling family and friends. We made it to the hospital right around 5 PM. We checked in at the Maternity Triage where they proceeded to do tests on me and Rach to make sure we were healthy and that I was actually in labor. At this point, now about an hour and a half after my doctor appointment I had gone from 4 to 5 cm's dilated. Remember I had said that my appointment that afternoon was with the partner, well it must have been fate because that meant that it was my doctor's shift at the hospital! She was already there and she was the one that got to deliver Rachel.

After they determined that I was definitely in labor (um yeah, hello 5 cm's!) they admitted us and got us set up in a Labor and Delivery room. At this point I still was feeling pretty good, all things considered. A nurse came in and asked if and when I wanted an epidural. I am no glutton for punishment and said, Yes Please! but also let her know that I had read that sometimes an epidural can slow down labor and I wasn't sure if I wanted it this soon. The nurse decided to have my doctor check me again to see how far along I was so we could make a good guess as to when we should go ahead with the epidural. I get checked again and am now at 6 cm's! (This was around about 6 PM) Good lord, Little Bear is hell bent on coming tonight! My doctor also determines that all of this has gone on while my water still has not broken and that she needs to do that manually.

I'll say it again, up to this point I'm still feeling pretty good, the internal exams are pretty uncomfortable but once they are over I'm pretty happy again. Well as they say, all good things must come to an end. Having my water broken was not fun one bit, made the internal exams seem almost pleasant. After my water is broken the r-e-a-l contractions begin. Good lord! I am now telling the nurse that I am most definitely ready for my epidural but of course as luck would have it Dr. Anesthesiologist is now quite in demand and I will have to wait. According to Matt we only had to wait about a half hour but man, that may have been one of the worst half hours of my life! Dr. Anesthesiologist arrives and is a Godsend. I didn't look at the needle but was instead concentrating on trying to sit up and lean forward during contractions and hold still so that the needle went in correctly.

All goes smoothly and I start to feel better again. Just in time too since now family has started to arrive! Katie and Jay were the first ones there. In the meantime I keep getting checked and keep being further along than the last time, so much for the epidural slowing things down! (I did have one unpleasant nurse tell me that all the other women in Labor & Delivery "hated" me because my labor was going so fast! gee, thanks!) My mom and dad were still on their way to the hospital and after every time they would check me Matt would send them another text update with the new cm's, needless to say that with how fast things were going they were afraid they weren't going to make it in time. Luckily they did! My mom and dad got there and we even had a little bit of time to visit before it became apparent that it was go time.

Now this is where time gets a little fuzzy. Both Matt and I *think* that I pushed for about an hour. Matt remembers it feeling like a long time, I remember thinking it went pretty quickly, either way you figure we were only at the hospital for 5 hours before Rachel was born. To my credit I never once yelled, screamed, or swore at Matt. The worst thing that came out of my mouth was saying, "I don't think I can do this." while trying to push. Here's the thing, they want you to get 3 good pushes in during each contraction, which first of all you have to learn how to push because this is not your everyday pushing here, then you have to try to find time to rest between contractions. Our lovely daughter being ever excited to meet us was giving me NO time to rest between contractions! My doctor became concerned about me getting too tired since the contractions were one right on top of the other so I ended up being given an oxygen mask to wear.

I have to give credit where credit is due, Matt was amazing the entire time! I think he must have gotten all his nervous energy out at home worrying about the shower and his outfit because once we got to the hospital he was cool, calm, collected. He kept me focused and I will never forget the look on his face when he told me he could see a full head of hair on Rachel or when he held her for the first time. I learned exactly what people mean when they say that they fell in love with their spouse all over again.

So, at 10:09 PM on Tuesday January 5, 2010 our beautiful Rachel Ann was born. She weighed 8 lbs, 8 oz. and was 22 inches long. After the doctor pulled her out she put her on my chest right away and I got to meet our daughter. Matt got to cut the umbilical cord and watch her get examined and cleaned up. I will never forget hearing her cry for the first time or seeing her face for the first time or feeling her hold my finger while I held her.

After I got cleaned up and stitched up (3rd degree tear, yikes) our family got to come in and meet Rachel. Watching my parents assume their new role as grandparents was indescribable and seeing Katie and Jay bond with their new niece was just as joyful. Everyone was able to hold her and talk to her. Eventually everyone had to leave and we were moved up to a room on the Maternity floor, just the three of us, our new family. I didn't get much sleep that night but I didn't care. It was far more exciting to watch my daughter sleep and listen to her little baby noises.

One year ago today, the happiest day of my life. The last year has definitely has its ups and downs, highs and lows, but the good has far outweighed the bad and I have whole-heartedly enjoyed being a mom and watching Rachel learn and grow and discover new things. I look forward to all that the next year has in store for us and can't imagine how much she will have changed again by her second birthday. I have so many hopes and dreams for her and will do my best to be as amazing of a mom to her as my mom was to me.

Rachel, Mommy loves you so very much! You are my every dream come true and the answer to all of my prayers. I love you more each day than the last. Happy First Birthday my sweet baby girl!

Here we go....

Alright, so anyone that knows me knows that I am not a fan of the whole New Year's Resolutions thing. We don't need to get into my reasons on why right now, but I never make them. However, I feel slightly different this year. I'm not sure I want to fully call it a resolution but maybe more accurately a personal goal for 2011, I want to keep better track of my daughter's life. I want to be able to remember as many of our adventures, her accomplishments and milestones, her funny stories, all of it: the good, the bad, and the ridiculous. I do have a baby book for her and while I was off on maternity leave last year I started updating it and had done a pretty decent job. Then once I returned to work I slacked big time on it. I also have a Word document that I always keep open on my work computer called, "Rachel Things I Don't Want to Forget" however I still don't seem to keep up with that as well as I would like either and it's not really too feasible for me to share that with family and friends. So....

Here we go. I figured what better day to start than today, my sweet angel's First Birthday! Happy Birthday Rachel Bear! Mommy & Daddy love you more than anything!