Happy Anniversary!!! - May 12, 2011

A letter to my beautiful daughter, Rachel Ann.

May 12, 2011

Happy Anniversary my sweet love!! Today is a very special day to Mommy. It was on this day two years ago that Mommy and Daddy found out we were pregnant with you! This was one of the happiest days of Mommy's life for many reasons.

May 12, 2009 was a Tuesday and happened to fall two days after Mother's Day 2009. It was on this morning that I received a belated Mother's Day gift from God. I woke up early to get ready for work and decided to take a pregnancy test. After a little over two years of trying to get pregnant and having no luck you can imagine how ecstatic Mommy was to finally see that elusive second pink line! I woke Daddy up and calmly said, "I think I see a second line." Poor Daddy, as you may have already found out for yourself Rach, Daddy is not a morning person and does not like to wake up early, but being the good sport he was he hobbled out of bed, half awake, and came to investigate for himself in the bathroom. I think he started to wake up a bit more when he saw for himself that there was in fact a second line. Finally a positive test!

It had been a long two years and Mommy and Daddy had gone through a lot: multiple tests, exams, blood work, ultrasounds, medications (pills & shots), and treatment. This positive test came after our second more intensive shot treatment. The first had been unsuccessful and due to money and insurance we knew we would only be able to try this three times. If this second round was not successful Mommy would have to have surgery before the third and last round. Thank you my sweet baby girl, not only are you the best thing to ever happen to me but your timing was impeccable and saved Mommy from surgery!

Rachel Bear, when you are older we can talk about all of this more in depth if you would like and Mommy can answer any questions that you might have. But the bottom line is this: no matter what, I want you to know just how badly you were wanted and how much you are loved. You have filled a hole in my heart and in the instant that I saw your beautiful face and held you, my precious baby girl, you healed two years worth of pain, hurt, sadness, and disappointment that Mommy was afraid might never go away. I love you always and forever!

Rachel, I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making sure that each and every day you never have to doubt how loved you are and how special you are. If I can give you a piece of Mommy wisdom/advice, don't you ever give up. If there is something that you want, you go after it, you try and try again. You can do anything and be anything that you put your mind to. Do not get discouraged by setbacks, roadblocks, or mini-failures. As your Mom, I cannot promise you a life without hurt or disappointment (though I wish I could!) but I can promise you that I will always, always be your #1 fan, your biggest cheerleader, and your strongest supporter! I promise you that as long as I am breathing you will always have a hand to hold, an ear to listen, an unending supply of hugs and kisses, and unconditional love. Mommy will always be there to wipe your tears, share in your laughter and happiness, and make sure you never give up. If Mommy would have given up (and there were times I wanted to) I would not have you and you, Rachel Bear, are the most wonderful, perfect, happiest, BEST thing to ever happen to me! I love you and every night while I watch you fall asleep I thank God for you!

I set out on a narrow way,

many years ago.

Hopin' I would find true love,

along the broken road,

But I got lost a time or two,

wiped my brow kept pushin' through,

I couldn't see how every sign pointed me straight to you.

Every long lost dream,

led me to where you are,

disappointments that broke my heart,

they were like northern stars,

pointing me on my way,

into your loving arms,

this much I know is true,

that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you.

I think about the years I've spent,

just passin' through,

I'd like to have the time I lost,

and give it back to you,

but you just smile and take my hand,

you've been there you understand,

It's all part of a grander plan,

that is is coming true...

...this much I know is true,

that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you.

-Rascal Flatts

Happy Mother's Day....to Me!!!

I'm not sure if this will come off as a bit self-promoting or self-indulgent but I did want to take a moment to wish myself a Happy Mother's Day. This is by no means me saying that I'm the world's greatest mom (I've got some pretty big shoes to fill thanks to my awesome Mom!) or a perfect mom or that I always do everything right, but more just me taking a moment to celebrate just being a Mom.

The road to motherhood was not an easy one for me, to say the least, but in the end God answered all of my prayers and blessed me not only with the gift of motherhood but with the gift of being the Mom to the most amazing, perfect, wonderful little girl. Rachel Ann, there will never be enough words to express to you how much my heart overflows with love for you! I am so honored to be your Mom.

(Initially I had something else in mind to commemorate Mother's Day here, but then I received this email from my Mom and decided to go with this instead. Thanks Mom, I love you!)

Before I was Mom,

I never tripped over toys or forgot the words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Moms out there reading this, especially to my Mom and my mother-in-law!!
(And as my Dad always used to say, "You can't have a mother without a father", so I also have to give a special thank you to the amazing man that I am lucky enough to call my husband and best friend, without which I would not have my precious Rachel Bear. Thank you Matty, I love you!!)

Easter 2011 Pictures

These are by no means all of the Easter pictures (we took a ton) but just a few of them for everyone to see. It was a great day, with wonderful family, and the most beautiful little girl ever!!! (You can click on each picture to view it larger.)

Rachel's 2nd Easter

I can't believe Rachel has already celebrated two Easters! It is amazing to me how much she has changed in just a year. Last Easter she was only 3 months old and was just so tiny, such a precious little baby. This year she is 15 1/2 months old and is still my precious baby, but she just seems so much bigger, so much like a little girl now.

We had a great weekend. I was off on Friday so we all got an extra day together as a family! Matt and I took Rach and Charlie up to Partridge Creek to do some shopping and we bought Rach a couple new pairs of summer shoes. Then we went over to Grandma and Grandpa's house and decorated Easter eggs. Rach didn't really decorate but she did like looking at the colors and holding the eggs. Unfortunately she also liked holding an egg in each hand and then hitting them together...a few did get cracked, oops!

Saturday was pretty laid back. We all went to the gym again in the morning (also did this Friday) and then hung out at home until Matt had to go to work. After that Rach and I went grocery shopping. I know I have said it before, but Rach is such a good shopper. She is happy and awesome pretty much the whole time. She did get especially happy when I was getting more apples for us. As I was putting them into the plastic bag she was sitting in the cart kicking her little feet saying, "Apple! Apple! Apple!" with this huge smile on her face! Yep, the girl likes her apples! (An odd note, as much as Rach likes apples, she is not a fan of applesauce. My only guess is that it is a consistency thing.)

Sunday was Easter and we headed back over to Grandma and Grandpa's house after Rach got her Easter basket at home. From us Rach got 2 new coloring books, a new box of crayons, 2 small chocolate bunnies, and 3 pairs of summer Minnie Mouse jammies.

Easter was a great day. I'm pretty sure it's safe to say we all had an amazing time. Rachel looked like a little princess angel in her dress (mad props to Matt on this one. I had bought her 4 dresses, yeah that's just how I roll, and we narrowed it down to 2, with me voting for 1 and Matt voting for the 1 she actually wore. Great job Daddy!). Grandma and Grandpa were super generous and spoiled Rach (& us) with not one, but two Easter baskets of goodies. Rach had a blast pulling everything out. She got a new book about puppies, some chocolate, a new princess bath towel, a bunny sippy cup, a bunny t-shirt, and a new summer outfit. Thank you Grandma and Grandpa!

After that it was time for the egg hunt. Rach caught on very quickly about finding and picking up the eggs, however she did not want to drop them into her bunny basket. Silly girl just wanted to carry them around with her! So we pretty much just let her. She would carry one in each hand and just walk, and walk, and walk all around the house! She did this Friday too. She hardly sat down at all, even to play with her toys. She just wanted to walk all over. It was adorable but made me feel slightly bad that we don't have a bigger house for her to be able to walk like that at home. (Come on housing market, get better so we can get rid of the condo!) Rach also enjoyed Easter food. She had never had ham before but she certainly liked it at lunch! After her nap we had Grandma's famous bunny cake and Rach loved it, no surprise there!

Overall, Easter was really one of those days that I just wanted to be able to hit the "Pause" button on and freeze us there in time for a bit. Rach was even more adorable than usual, she was so happy and silly and fun. She is at such a great age and it seems like time is just going by so fast! I look at her little face and see this beautiful little girl. She is sweet and affectionate and silly and has a great personality and sense of humor already. I am absolutely amazed by something she does or says each day now (the latest this weekend is saying "Please", so adorable!). She absolutely melts my heart and I feel so unbelievably blessed to have her. Rachel Ann, Mommy loves you so much more than words can say. You fill my heart with more love and my life with more joy than I ever thought was possible.

15 Month Check Up & Some Pictures

Wow, I can't believe Rachel is 15 (& 1/2) months old already! Time really does fly when you are having fun! Last Thursday, April 14, 2011, Matt and I took Rachel for her 15 month check up. Rach did great and checked out just fine! Both Matt and I commented how nice it was to be at the pediatrician's office for a well visit instead of a sick visit! Rach must have agreed because she was all smiles, happy, and chatty with everyone there!

Rach did have to get a couple shots which she didn't like at all and she did cry but she calmed down really quick once we were able to pick her up. A cute/sad story, after the doctor was done checking Rach the nurse came back in with her shots. When she came in Rach smiled big, waved, and said "HI!". The poor nurse actually looked/felt guilty that this sweet, friendly little girl had no idea what was about to happen. :( The good news is that the doctor said she believes that after these last shots the only one that Rach will be due for at her 18 month check is the MMR and we are actually going to delay that one until her 2 year visit so fingers crossed Rach's 18 month check will be shot free!!!

I'm not sure if we are the only ones that do this, but I guess it's just our "thing", but Matt and I always guess/bet at these appointments what Rach's stats are going to be (height & weight). I'm not sure if it's a Dad thing or just a Matt thing, but Matt always overestimates both!! Now, not to toot my own horn but I did pretty darn good this last time. I guessed Rach was 33.5 inches long, and she is actually 33 inches long. Only off by a half inch! Then I guessed that Rach is 23.7 pounds, and you know what the scale said, 23.74! Oh yeah! (Yes, I take joy in the little things knowing that even though I still carry around a lot of guilt for working and being away from Rachel that at least I do still know my baby pretty well).

Other than the shots it was a great appointment. Rach's ears, nose, and mouth looked great. The doctor told us Rach was getting a fine amount of milk each day, not to stress about the bottle, and that Rach's verbal abilities are well above where a typical 15 month old's are. It was funny, she asked us how many words Rach says and we started listing them, the doctor actually stopped us and said that was great and that they usually only hope for 3-5 at 15 months!

In other news, we had another great weekend. Grandma and Grandpa hung out with Rach Friday night so that Matt and I could have a date night. Matt took Saturday off so we all got to be home and spend the day together Saturday. We took Rach out to breakfast and then hung out at home and worked on cleaning/organizing. Rach also got tooth #11!! It is unreal to me how much she looks like a little girl now instead of a baby! It is so amazing to watch her grow up!

Now for the pictures:

Milk is yummy!

I love my chair!

Super cute, happy girl having fun on a Daddy-Daughter day!

Mommy's two favorite people, the loves of my life!

An Overdue Update

I had always intended on blogging more than just once a week but unfortunately things have been so busy, at home and at work, lately that I hardly have much of a choice. I have a back log of cute pictures that I want to make sure I get around to posting and a ton of cute/funny stories that I want to make sure I don't forget. Also, I've had an issue/situation weighing heavily on my mind lately. I'm not sure if I want to write about it or not. Some days I think it would be good to get it out and I practically have the entire post composed in my head and other days I think that I would just be opening up a can of worms and potentially making a bad situation even worse. We shall see.

Anywho, things have been good in casa de Phillips. It's hard to believe that tomorrow it will be just 2 weeks since Rach "took off the training wheels" and became a full-time walker. To watch her motor around the house, daycare, and everywhere in between you would think she'd been at it for much longer. Her balance and confidence levels are amazing! She is also fast! I think she really wants to run but still needs to master the mechanics of that. Really the only times that she falls now are when she starts moving her little legs and feet so fast that she trips herself up!

We had a really good last weekend and got to spend a lot of time together as a family. I left work early on Friday. Matt, Rach, and I spent the afternoon at Target, Sonic, and the gym before settling in at home that night. Saturday Matt didn't need to be at work until 4PM so we spent most of the day together. Rach and I went grocery shopping after Matt went to work. Sunday Rach and I went shopping at Lakeside and met up with my friend Jess for lunch at Panera and then went to Grandma and Grandpa's for a short visit.

The two pictures below are of Rach waiting with me outside Panera for Jess since we got there early. She is really just a happy, happy little girl! She is always full of smiles and laughter. And my usually shy Little Bear was actually saying "Hi" to people in the mall as they walked by us! For lunch, Rach and I shared a turkey sandwich and chicken noodle soup and I'm pretty sure that Rach ate more than Mommy did! We did not however share a smoothie, we each had our own. As I've mentioned before, Rachel loves fruit smoothies. I always make her a new batch of homemade smoothies every week, but she's also allowed to get one while we are out if it is a healthy one. Luckily Panera's are all natural and organic. During lunch Rach was a little chatter bug, only stopping to eat, smile, and laugh. (Also, as you can see, we do not go anywhere without Puppy.)

In other news, at daycare Rachel has officially been moved to the Toddler 1 room. (She started out in the Infant 1 room, then in September when she was 8 months old was moved to the Infant 2 room.) I'm not sure how long she will be in this room, some of the paperwork said approx. until 18 months old (she's already 15 months). My guess is that at the latest she will be in there until the end of August. The daycare's year runs like a school year and the "new" year starts in September. By then Rach would be almost 20 months old (yikes!) so really we are only talking about a difference of 2 months or so.

Matt and I are excited about this new room. The kids are all very close in age and ability levels (all are walking as opposed to her old room that had "little" 8 and 9 month olds in it). In the toddler rooms they also start having a curriculum that they follow every day/week. A few things they will be working on are shapes, colors, numbers, letters, and sign language. They also have a set schedule. All of the kids eat lunch and snack at the same time and nap at the same time. Overall, it just seems so much more organized and structured.

Unfortunately the change has been a little upsetting for Rach. Both this morning and yesterday morning when Matt had to drop her off in her new room for the first time Rach was upset and cried and did not want Daddy to leave. :( Luckily she did end up having a good day there yesterday. When I went to pick her up she was playing and smiling and everyone told me she was happy. I'm hoping to get the same report today!

Tomorrow afternoon we have to take Rach for her 15 month check up. We are expecting it to go well and to just have it reinforced that we have the world's most awesome child! I'll have to update later on how it goes and all her important stats.

A Cute Quick Pic

Just got a text from Matt with the following picture and message:

"Dad, can Mick come to daycare with me? Pleeeeeaaaaassssseeeee!"

There seriously are no words to describe just how much I truly love this perfect little girl! (yes, her Dad is pretty funny and great too!)