Happy Anniversary!!! - May 12, 2011

A letter to my beautiful daughter, Rachel Ann.

May 12, 2011

Happy Anniversary my sweet love!! Today is a very special day to Mommy. It was on this day two years ago that Mommy and Daddy found out we were pregnant with you! This was one of the happiest days of Mommy's life for many reasons.

May 12, 2009 was a Tuesday and happened to fall two days after Mother's Day 2009. It was on this morning that I received a belated Mother's Day gift from God. I woke up early to get ready for work and decided to take a pregnancy test. After a little over two years of trying to get pregnant and having no luck you can imagine how ecstatic Mommy was to finally see that elusive second pink line! I woke Daddy up and calmly said, "I think I see a second line." Poor Daddy, as you may have already found out for yourself Rach, Daddy is not a morning person and does not like to wake up early, but being the good sport he was he hobbled out of bed, half awake, and came to investigate for himself in the bathroom. I think he started to wake up a bit more when he saw for himself that there was in fact a second line. Finally a positive test!

It had been a long two years and Mommy and Daddy had gone through a lot: multiple tests, exams, blood work, ultrasounds, medications (pills & shots), and treatment. This positive test came after our second more intensive shot treatment. The first had been unsuccessful and due to money and insurance we knew we would only be able to try this three times. If this second round was not successful Mommy would have to have surgery before the third and last round. Thank you my sweet baby girl, not only are you the best thing to ever happen to me but your timing was impeccable and saved Mommy from surgery!

Rachel Bear, when you are older we can talk about all of this more in depth if you would like and Mommy can answer any questions that you might have. But the bottom line is this: no matter what, I want you to know just how badly you were wanted and how much you are loved. You have filled a hole in my heart and in the instant that I saw your beautiful face and held you, my precious baby girl, you healed two years worth of pain, hurt, sadness, and disappointment that Mommy was afraid might never go away. I love you always and forever!

Rachel, I promise you that I will spend the rest of my life making sure that each and every day you never have to doubt how loved you are and how special you are. If I can give you a piece of Mommy wisdom/advice, don't you ever give up. If there is something that you want, you go after it, you try and try again. You can do anything and be anything that you put your mind to. Do not get discouraged by setbacks, roadblocks, or mini-failures. As your Mom, I cannot promise you a life without hurt or disappointment (though I wish I could!) but I can promise you that I will always, always be your #1 fan, your biggest cheerleader, and your strongest supporter! I promise you that as long as I am breathing you will always have a hand to hold, an ear to listen, an unending supply of hugs and kisses, and unconditional love. Mommy will always be there to wipe your tears, share in your laughter and happiness, and make sure you never give up. If Mommy would have given up (and there were times I wanted to) I would not have you and you, Rachel Bear, are the most wonderful, perfect, happiest, BEST thing to ever happen to me! I love you and every night while I watch you fall asleep I thank God for you!

I set out on a narrow way,

many years ago.

Hopin' I would find true love,

along the broken road,

But I got lost a time or two,

wiped my brow kept pushin' through,

I couldn't see how every sign pointed me straight to you.

Every long lost dream,

led me to where you are,

disappointments that broke my heart,

they were like northern stars,

pointing me on my way,

into your loving arms,

this much I know is true,

that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you.

I think about the years I've spent,

just passin' through,

I'd like to have the time I lost,

and give it back to you,

but you just smile and take my hand,

you've been there you understand,

It's all part of a grander plan,

that is is coming true...

...this much I know is true,

that God blessed the broken road that lead me straight to you.

-Rascal Flatts

Happy Mother's Day....to Me!!!

I'm not sure if this will come off as a bit self-promoting or self-indulgent but I did want to take a moment to wish myself a Happy Mother's Day. This is by no means me saying that I'm the world's greatest mom (I've got some pretty big shoes to fill thanks to my awesome Mom!) or a perfect mom or that I always do everything right, but more just me taking a moment to celebrate just being a Mom.

The road to motherhood was not an easy one for me, to say the least, but in the end God answered all of my prayers and blessed me not only with the gift of motherhood but with the gift of being the Mom to the most amazing, perfect, wonderful little girl. Rachel Ann, there will never be enough words to express to you how much my heart overflows with love for you! I am so honored to be your Mom.

(Initially I had something else in mind to commemorate Mother's Day here, but then I received this email from my Mom and decided to go with this instead. Thanks Mom, I love you!)

Before I was Mom,

I never tripped over toys or forgot the words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Chewed on. Peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held down a screaming child so doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin. I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.

Before I was a Mom,

I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put her down. I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt. I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much. I never knew that I could love someone so much.

Before I was a Mom,

I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside of my body. I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby. I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child. I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.

Before I was a Mom,

I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay. I had never known the warmth, the joy, the love, the heartache, the wonderment or the satisfaction of being a Mom. I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much, before I was a Mom.

Happy Mother's Day to all of the Moms out there reading this, especially to my Mom and my mother-in-law!!
(And as my Dad always used to say, "You can't have a mother without a father", so I also have to give a special thank you to the amazing man that I am lucky enough to call my husband and best friend, without which I would not have my precious Rachel Bear. Thank you Matty, I love you!!)

Easter 2011 Pictures

These are by no means all of the Easter pictures (we took a ton) but just a few of them for everyone to see. It was a great day, with wonderful family, and the most beautiful little girl ever!!! (You can click on each picture to view it larger.)